What's Wrong

"If we are to make use of the unmistakable opportunity awaiting us in the spheres of business, commerce, politics, and industry, we must first understand what shades our perceptions and determines our complex ideas." Melia, Jinx and Lyttle, Pauline

Before we can fix the problem, we need to evaluate it. Once women decide to go for a position in the male court, most of us are unaware of what we are doing wrong. We are playing our best checkers at a chess tournament.

This chapter covers the most important differences between men and women in the business world and ways to overcome those things which hold us where we are. Understanding these differences can account for much of why we persist in making inappropriate moves. They are a result of a difference in training, and we can make adjustments or overcome them. While a lifetime of conditioning may seem like an impossible hurdle, it is not. Many men and women have overcome physical, emotional, mental, and financial handicaps to achieve what was important to them. Awareness is the first and most important step. The worst danger is staying where you are without knowing why you are there.

Celia Halas found that, time and again, her male and female patients did not understand each other. She offers a summary of seven ways in which adult women generally differ from adult men.

• Powerlessness. Women feel less powerful than men. That feeling is reflected in their self-concepts and actions.
• Self-doubt. Women doubt themselves more than men do. They are not raised, as men are, to trust themselves, take chances, negotiate differences, or stand up for themselves.
• Other-oriented. Women place more emphasis upon others' opinions and acceptance than men do. They look to others for direction and fulfillment. This dependence upon others for their happiness increases their anxiety.
• Self-blame. Most women experience inappropriate feelings of guilt. Self-blame commonly pervades their lives, lessening their self-acceptance, distorting their sense of responsibility, and causing them to be misunderstood.
• Fear. Women experience fear differently from men. They are more immobilized by it than men are.
• Fantasy orientation. Women have been brought up with unrealistic expectations of life and are disillusioned by the realities of adult life.
• Ambivalence. Most women experience conflicting feelings about their sexuality, resulting in confusion, guilt, and a sense of pressure. Often these feelings surpass the potential for joy and fulfillment in sex and stand in the way of personal and work goals.

These differences come up time and again in writings that deal with women in the work force. We will discuss how these and other differences-task orientation, approach to team play, definition of competence, negotiating skills, risk avoidance, and appearance-affect the success or failure of women in the business world. "If we are to make use of the unmistakable opportunity awaiting us in the spheres of business, commerce, politics, and industry, we must first understand what shades our perceptions and determines our complex ideas." Melia, Jinx and Lyttle, Pauline

 

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